We've been thinking a lot lately about parenting through the college application process. Decision time is when your anxieties roll in and you need to marshal all your critical thinking and parenting skills. So here are some words of wisdom culled recently from better wordsmiths than we.
Don't miss Joan Didion's reality check on her denial from Stanford:
Welcome to the Gourmet Guide, Drake University! Midwestern friendliness and food go hand in hand at the cafes, diners and BBQ joints of Des Moines, Iowa. If you're walking Drake's 150-acre campus, you will welcome having the admission office's inside information for where to grab breakfast, lunch or dinner. From the pastries and artisanal bread of La Mie Bakery to the seared sea scallops of Centro and the skillets of the Waveland Café -- a favorite spot during the Iowa Caucuses -- there's something for everyone. How about the They’re Coming to Get You Barbara burger -- ‘two grilled-cheese-sandwich’ bun, American cheese, caramelized onion, bacon, and Zombie sauce -- along with a Wedding Cake milkshake at Zombie Burger? That sounds like adequate fuel for the college road trip. Check out all their recommendations here.
The transition from high school to college, particularly for students who leave home and live in campus residence halls, is a challenge for nearly all students. However, some students find it more daunting than others. Experienced counselors, both in high schools and on college campuses, have learned to recognize the stages that most students go through, beginning at the end of senior year, through the summer after graduation, and continuing through freshman year of college. But most students have only a vague idea of what this transition will be like and are therefore stunned by the challenges they encounter. First generation students, in particular, are likely to encounter surprises because their parents, having not attended college, haven’t had discussions with them about what to expect.
Today, educational psychologist Jane McClure continues her series that walks students and parents through what the future may hold with Stages 5 and 6 -- The End of the Honeymoon and The Grass Is Always Greener. Her previous posts on Stages 1 and 2 in "The Transition from High School to College" -- The Summer of Transition and Separation Anxiety -- can be seen here and on Stages 3 and 4 -- The First Term and The Honeymoon -- can be seen here.
"And of course none of it matters very much at all, none of these early successes, early failures. I wonder if we had better not find some way to let our children know this..."
In 1968 in the Saturday Evening Post, author Joan Didion published an essay on being denied admission at Stanford University. It's timeless commentary on dealing with rejection and the complex feelings stirred by that bitter pill many applicants face at some point in the application process. Didion rooted out her rejection letter as an object lesson for a 17-year-old niece going through the process and then employed it as an opportunity to appraise the college admission landscape -- an appraisal that is surprisingly relevant in 2013. Enjoy...
On Being Unchosen by the College of One's Choice
College counselor and author of Going Geek: What Every Smart Kid and Every Smart Parent Should Know About College Admissions John Carpenter has more helpful insight into the waitlist decision in a post on his blog, askjohnaboutcollege.com. Check out Not Loving the Wait List? to learn about how and why colleges use them, the realities of a waitlist spot, and why you should wear a waitlist spot as a badge of honor. Important information for students making their decisions!
Read, read, read… There are many theories about education, but there is one fact. The key to doing well in school and getting into college is reading. It improves grades, test results, and is the best predictor of whether students will succeed in college. So, start working on your summer reading list now because the best feeder school to the college of your choice is Amazon.com -- or your local library.
If your school doesn't provide a summer reading list, create your own. Need ideas? Check out “101 Great Books Recommended for College-Bound Readers”. Or Google “summer reading lists for high school students." Ask at your local library. And bookstores often have the summer reading lists for all local high schools. Then, read, read, read…
Previously, we discussed factors you may need to consider in deciding whether or not to accept a spot on a waitlist and outlined questions to ask as you try to decide whether or not to remain on a waitlist. Today, we're outlining the steps you should take if you have received a waitlist letter.
Respond
If you have received a waitlist letter from a college, pay close attention to what it says. Usually you aren’t actually placed on the waitlist— the letter is telling you that you can choose to be on it if you want. In order to be placed on a waitlist you will need to respond by submitting a form or emailing the college. Typically, you are asked to respond by a set date. If you don’t respond or if you miss that deadline, you will not be placed on the waitlist. Follow instructions and respond accordingly.
There are many reasons a student may receive a denial letter. The application process is all about you and showing colleges who you are but the decision process is often more about the colleges and their priorities. Don’t take it personally. You weren’t denied— your application was. Probably the last thing you want to hear is that it’s important to learn to deal with rejection, but it is a valuable life lesson. Life isn’t fair and neither is the college admission process. The majority of students who apply to selective colleges are qualified to attend, but there simply isn’t room.
If you have been denied at a college on your list, let yourself feel disappointed. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. Talk with your parents and friends about it— or not. Post your rejection letter on the wall of shame— or not. The choice is yours. Where you have been accepted or denied is your business and no one else’s unless you choose to share that information. And don’t worry that you may have disappointed your parents, teachers, or others in your life. They want what is best for you, which is to move on and be happy about the choices you do have. So allow yourself to feel sad, but don’t wallow in feelings of disappointment for too long. Move on. Now you get to make a choice among the schools that said yes.
Yesterday we addressed factors you may need to consider in deciding whether or not to accept a spot on a waitlist. Information about some of those factors may be included in your waitlist letter. For example, it may also include information about whether or not the waitlist is prioritized or ranked, which tells you a lot about your chances of being admitted. If the letter is unclear, here are some questions for you to ask the admission office as you try to decide whether or not to remain on a waitlist:
• How many students do you anticipate will be on your waitlist?
• Do you rank or tier your waitlist? And if so, where do I fall?
• What is the likelihood of being admitted from the waitlist?
• Will financial aid still be available if I am admitted from the waitlist?
• Will housing still be available?
• Is there anything I can do to improve my chances of being admitted?
• When do you expect to inform students you are admitting from the waitlist?
Tomorrow: Waitlisted? Next Steps to Take
If you are placed on a waitlist, you haven’t been accepted and you haven’t been denied. You’re in limbo, and that can be stressful. Students rarely anticipate they will be placed on a waitlist at one of the colleges where they have applied, but they very well may be.
If you have received a waitlist letter from a college, there are several factors you may need to consider in deciding whether or not to accept that spot on the waitlist:
• Uncertainty. You may not know if you have been admitted off the waitlist until sometime during the summer.
• Cost. You will need to make a firm commitment to another school and send in a deposit to ensure a seat in the fall. If you are accepted off the waitlist you will forfeit the deposit made to that fi rst school.
• Financial aid. Make sure the school where you are waitlisted will still have aid available when you hear about your acceptance. Some colleges may have already awarded most of their aid or scholarships.
• Pressure. Your continued achievement— a particularly successful second semester both academically and in your extracurricular activities— may be a fundamental factor in a college’s decision about who to admit off the waitlist.
